This past week, it’s really hit me that I
hardly don’t have a baby anymore. As I’m approaching my final week of breastfeeding Leo and how he’s days away from walking, I have all sorts of mixed emotions. In fact, I’ll prooooobably tear up more than once writing this post as we approach some recent somber endings but exciting new beginnings.
I’ve luckily had a great journey with nursing both of our children. With Ivy, I ended when she was about 13 months, which was plenty for me, my goal has always been a year. I was pregnant with Leo already so my supply took a drastic turn and while being at work, it was pretty easy to give it up, plus I also did baby-led weaning with her, and she was fully feeding herself. I don’t remember feeling too sad to be done. Although, it was a little sad because you realize that your baby doesn’t NEED you in that way anymore, but I was definitely ready to have my boobs back! I breastfeed, but I’m not too passionate or attached to it. I just do it, because… well, I just do it I guess. Nutritional, free, and easy for me, thankfully.
With Leo, it’s been a little harder to give up and completely stop, mostly because I’m around him all of the time now instead of at work. I have only been nursing two times a day the past month, just morning and night, as Leo is superman at baby-led weaning! He’s fully feeding himself and drinking milk on his own now. So I definitely don’t need to be nursing him anymore, but it’s been a little more sad this time as I am weaning him completely. Especially as John and I are having the discussion about two or three children, if he’s our last child, it’s been pretty difficult to swallow that I could be completely done nursing. So begins the complete weaning process anyways. Leo is 13 months, just like Ivy was when I stopped, so I’m feeling better about being done and matching how long I did it with Ivy. And also when your husband keeps asking you when you’re done breastfeeding, I guess it’s time ;)
Last week, I stopped the night feeding so I was just down to once in the morning. And the first night I stopped, I let John put him to bed, which is something he really hasn’t done at all since I’ve been nursing and I don’t exactly do bottles since I stay-at-home (#lazy #hatetopump). When I handed him off to John, he started screaming and crying and looked at me like he knew what was happening and how he wasn’t going to be comforted to sleep by me anymore. GAH. It was heartbreaking. I teared up as I watched him walk away with John and cry as he reached his little arms out to me. But, it was a step that we needed to take, and nice that John is able to get in some snuggles at bedtime now too. It’s just hard to release that attachment from each other as your baby is growing up too fast. And I actually love those snuggles together before bedtime. So sweet.
This week will be my last week as we are leaving our kids at home this weekend for a wedding. Friday morning will be tough as it all comes to an end before we hit the road, but I’m watching Leo grow up into such a toddler right before me and ending nursing concludes the cuddly, sweet, needing Mommy stage, also known as – the baby stage. I’m ready though, as much as I’m sad. But as Leo is taking 3-5 steps in a row lately, I can tell he’s about to leave his own baby stage behind also. He will be fully walking any day now and as I end nursing sessions, we are entering new beginnings together. And that’s attachment enough for me… together.