Three.

February 11, 2018

Three kids was our magic number. Three wonderful kids. We’re so thankful for our children and it’s hard to admit we are done, but three is our biggest adventure.

John and I wavered between two and three for a long while. On one hand, we were very content with the two we had. We had fears of adding another – outnumbered, more money, harder to go anywhere, table of five, how do we even begin to fit in a car, more money, do I need to get a minivan, how the heck do we travel, did I mention more money??? ugh … so many fears pulling us backwards to stay at two. The older Leo got the easier it was to just keep the cruise control going from there.

On the other hand, we didn’t go into our pregnancy with our second child thinking this was our last. I didn’t savor the last little baby kicks I’d ever feel, or those baby hiccups rocking your belly, or the miraculous birthing experience to see what the body is fully capable of,  seeing your baby – the baby you and your husband created – for the first time, or the first sweet latch to make mama cry, or even the first gummy smile or adorable giggle that completely melts your heart. I needed to experience it all again knowing these were the last firsts.

We went for it, throwing our fears and wallets out the window and went for it. Three. We’d have three.

And I am so happy we did. Experiencing the pregnancy to really savor each and every moment was such a gift. I yearned for each ache and pain and kick and hiccup, knowing it was the last I’d ever feel. I yearned to have another birth story to share and compare. Mostly, I yearned for just one more baby, to smell the sweet newborn smell, to snuggle and cuddle and immerse my love in her fully and completely.

Knowing it was our last baby has even changed me as a mother. Really enjoying each cry or meltdown or hug or kiss has made me patient and 10x more loving (if that’s even possible) than with my other two. So much of taking care of babies for me was going through the motions, I never really liked the baby phase. I couldn’t wait till they were walking, more independent, talking, more personality… but here in this day, in each moment with Faye, I’m wishing she’d stay little, wishing for one more gummy grin, wishing for her to stop growing up so fast, cuddling her so sweet when she cries. It’s made me so aware of how fast time flies right by us. How did we even get to THREE? And now here I am, snuggling our last baby with every ounce of me given up to her.

So if you’re at all on the fence… do it (literally and figuratively). Going into a pregnancy (or adopting or whatever means to have a baby!!!) and having a baby KNOWING IT WILL BE YOUR LAST, was the best thing for my heart and soul (Chicken Soup for the Soul sh** right there). Like a gift from GOD each and every moment.

Three was our magic number.

2 thoughts on “Three.

  1. Pingback: Faye // 8 Months | Apple of My Ivy

  2. Pingback: Awake My Soul | Apple of My Ivy

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