Kids really do change you. For the better, for the worse, for a mix of the two, but they really do change you. I never imagined myself as a stay-at-home mom. One of the many reasons I got into teaching was because it was such a “family career.” I would have holidays and weekends off and have all summer to be with my children and family. Plus I loved kids! I thought I had it made! And I really love to work! It wasn’t until this past fall after spending each day with Ivy over the summer, that I had to return to work and leave her. It was crazy emotional. I tear up still thinking about what I experienced. I felt utterly empty each day I left her in someone else’s hands, someone else to raise her, someone else to teach her about our world, someone else to love on her and take care of her, someone else to make her giggle and smile, someone else…It was a pain that was tremendously difficult to overcome. I cried a lot. I hated missing out on Ivy’s childhood. I didn’t expect that. I loved my job. But I could feel the mother in me was changing. What I wanted for our family was changing. Oh who was I kidding. I was completely changed. All I could see myself as now was a stay-at-home mom.
Daycare was tough. She was with Grandma two days a week and I was so thankful for that! I love that she was able to spend time her, but even that was hard. Hearing of all the fun they had each day made me so jealous! And daycare was a whole nother saga for me. Choosing and finding then failing with that daycare and choosing and finding another daycare was strenuous on my heart and mind. Ultimately giving my child to someone I met for 5 minutes was a horrible feeling and I knew then that I couldn’t bear to continue (read my drama here, here, and here, or not). I begged my husband (Thank you John!!!!!! Love you!) to somehow make it work and soon enough, we were discussing strategies to make me a stay-at-home mom and for me to get to be the one to raise our children, especially once we were pregnant with baby number two.
Once our decision was made that I was indeed to going to stay-at-home after this school year, I was SO EXCITED! But then came along a range of other emotions that I did not expect. I love teaching, I love science, I love my coworkers, I love my school. I certainly have my “dream job” right now and was I really about to give that up? I also just received my Master’s in Education last year and just got approved for the pay raise next year. Humph : / Well that wasn’t put to use, but oh well. Hey, maybe I’ll go back some day. Indeed, I was definitely nervous about giving up such a great job, but my heart was pulling me way more to my children than to my job. Teaching is a fabulous career and I am so thankful to have eight terrific years of shaping our youth under my belt. However, I knew I could not bear to continue, I was going to be a stay-at-home mom. My heart was with my own children now.
Pushing the nerves aside, I am getting more and more excited about staying-at-home with my children! Especially since we will have number two in June! I can’t WAIT to spend every day with them, teaching them, engaging their curiosity, peaking their interests, hugging and kissing them all day, I’m so blessed to have this opportunity! I am very very very thankful! I have several friends who are also stay-at-home moms, and more that are choosing that path as well, so the social aspect of staying-at-home is no burden to me. And Ivy will love to have playmates! She really enjoyed daycare and playing with the kids so I know I will have to keep that up for BOTH of our sanity. I am one who loves to get out and do things, I search out events in the area, I love to go to the park, go on walks, take Ivy around town (is this sounding like a relationship ad?!!), I don’t see myself getting bored, I’m just not that type of person. There is so much to explore!
On the flip side, we might actually have a clean house
all of the time most of the time!! I know I’m pushing myself into that 1950’s housewife role (all those cute aprons!!!), but I am willing to take that on as my “job” now. Anything to stay with my babies!
Now, I know being a housewife is going to be a tough role too. Being with kids all day could be EXHAUSTING, and then having to keep up with the house, errands, food, groceries, whew, it already sounds intense! But when I read this post and with number one being “you must embrace the yoga pants,” I knew I had chosen the right path! :) LOL. Or this post with 13 tips of highly effective and sane stay-at-home moms, such good advice! I will certainly be embracing the chaos! And lastly, this post. This one is a good one. Five things a stay-at-home mom needs to let go of. I surely won’t be a supermom, and I’m sure I will have guilt at times about my decision, but reading this makes it all seem normal and reassures me that this will be hard and there could be a whole lot of drama that goes with it. But from the wise words of Disney, I will remember to LET IT GO (do you hear Elsa singing?!). And be there for my kids and husband and to just be happy and free. (Sounds easy enough..right?)
So, let the countdown begin – last day of school is May 15 and I am so excited! I’ll have one good month with Ivy before the chaos of baby boy arrives (due date June 18), and I plan on spending a lot of QT with her until then. I have to thank my husband for working extra hard to provide for us! I appreciate him so much and making him put up with me! I assure him it will benefit BOTH of us – I think he’s buying it :)
Well folks, this year with a new baby and a new “job” will be very interesting! I am anxious to see where it takes our family. I’m so happy and thankful to be the one to raise our children! Looking at these photos of our family since Ivy was born just kicks me about how much I’ve missed out on. I am ecstatic to not miss anything else! Thanks for following along on our journey… xo :) And to that I say, alright, alright, alright.