Dear 2 year old sleep regression, I kinda wanna punch you in the face

September 22, 2015

WHAT THE HECK. I definitely jinxed myself. I have been all worried about Leo’s nap and schedule last week, well now this week it’s Ivy! Can’t I catch a break here?!! #nobreaksinparenting #ever

This is essentially my (chaotic) afternoon:

11:30 – whipping up some lunch for Ivy and scrounging around what I can eat
11:45 – Ivy’s eating and watching her cartoons (guilty). I’m nursing Leo.
11:50 – “Ivy EAT, Ivy EAT.” “Ivy take a drink of water. IVY take a drink of water.”
12:00 – Trying to get Leo to sleep so I can get Ivy to bed
12:15 – Ivy’s done eating. “Time to get ready for nap time!” “Read books, mama, read books!”
12:30 – We’ve read 2-3 books. This and this are currently her favorites.
12:35 – Tucking her in to bed with her favorite stuffed animals and covering her with her blankie. “Nigh nigh Ivy, nigh nigh.” Door shut. I go get the monitor and go downstairs.
12:36 – Eating my lunch and asking myself if I should have a beer too. Sometimes I do : /
12:40 – Ivy’s talking to herself and her stuffed animals
12:45 – Now singing to herself
1:00 – Takes diaper off. UGH
1:01 – I got up there to put her diaper back on. She says “new diaper cause it’s icky.” WTF.
1:02 – New diaper, tucked back in. “GO TO SLEEP IVY. GO TO SLEEP

Alternate worse scenario
1:00 – Takes diaper off. UGH
1:15 – I don’t notice she’s taken her diaper off and then I finally look at the monitor and realize she’s taken it off
1:16 – I go up there to put her diaper back on and realized she’s peed in the bed. UGH. Screaming inside my head. So annoyed
1:17 – Changing bed sheets. Thank god I have a backup set
1:19 – Running after Ivy down the hall to corral her back in the bedroom. I lock the door
1:20 – Tucking Ivy back in to put her to sleep again. Freaking go to sleep kid

1:25 – GO TO SLEEP IVY. GO TO SLEEP.
1:30 – She’s trying to reach for the plugin to unplug the fan.
1:31 – I tell her NO through the monitor and to STOP and she stops and lays back down. GEEZUS
1:35 – Still talking to herself. Still talking to her animals.
1:40 – I go up there again and now she’s pooped in her diaper.
1:41 – Changing her diaper. AGAIN.
1:42 – Tucked back in, “Ivy, go to bed ok honey? Go to bed.” “Ok mommy, ok.”
2:00 – Still talking to herself. Still taking to her animals.
2:10 – Leo’s awake. SHIT.
2:30 – Ivy’s singing the alphabet
2:35 – She’s putting her cup on the nightstand
2:45 – Now she’s tucking in her animals to bed
2:46 – I go up there  AGAIN and say “GO TO SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I tuck her in again and make her lay down. She cries.
3:00 – Talking to herself. Again.
3:04 – Reaching for the curtains and tugging at them
3:05 – I yell in the monitor to “GO TO SLEEP IVY!!!!!
3:06 – She tucks herself back in. Ok, fewf, finally, maybe…
3:07 – Singing to herself. FML
3:10 – Leo’s crying. I haven’t cleaned up from lunch yet.
3:15 – I give up and go get Ivy
3:18 – I’m screwed. And exhausted. Haven’t even sat down yet.
3:19 – I make her sit on the couch and watch her ipad. Just so I can sit for 2 minutes.
3:21 – Leo’s crying. Hungry. Time to nurse again.

So this has pretty much been the last 6 of 7 days. YES. She has skipped 6 days of naps!!!!!!!!! And 4 of those 6 days she has peed the bed!!! I’m dying and so torn about WHAT THE HECK. Ever since I tried potty training, she takes her diaper off and says “cause it’s icky.” UGH! So I made some progress because she doesn’t like the diaper on anymore, but IN BED?! Blah. I have finally learned that I need to just leave pants on her so that she can’t take those off or her diaper. And I probably need to take all of her stuffed animals out of the bed. Like really. Take everything away from this kid! Even her voicebox? I need a mute button.

There’s gotta be some scientific parenting reason why this is happening. Well, last night I found myself googling “two year old won’t nap” (Ivy will be two on October 1st) because please PLEASE let this be a “thing” because if it’s a “thing” then she’ll grow out of this “thing” because I seriously CAN NOT TAKE THIS “THING” MUCH LONGER. And yes. Thank god. It’s a “thing.” That makes me feel better for some reason. That it really is a “thing.”

This “thing,” starting back at me on my phone… “sleep regression.” UGH. It says that “it reflects a normal developmental leap or shift in which your child is rapidly developing a new skill or entering a new phase. For your 2 year-old, some of these leaps are verbal, and you may encounter sleep issues right around when your toddler experiences a word explosion or learns to express more complex ideas,” (link here). It also says that sleep regression is a normal “phase” and to not give up on naps completely. They will go back to normal.

WHEN. WHEN. WHEN.

Two weeks ago we had Ivy skip a nap because we wanted to go boating and she had slept in, so we thought she would be ok and we would put her down early for bed. And she was. And ever since then, it’s like she realized, “look at how much FUN I can have when I don’t nap!!” (CURSE ME). Plus, Ivy fell out of the crib last week trying to reach the light to turn it on after we had pulled the crib away from the wall. Smacked her two front teeth! It was really scary! I’m hoping the teeth don’t discolor and have to get pulled! But anyways, the dentist recommended no more pacifier to get the soft bone tissue and teeth to move back, and I was happy to get rid of it! I just told her the pacifier (she calls it a dissy) hurt her teeth so no more dissy. She only cried on the first day! She still asks for it, but then I tell her, “remember, no more dissy…” And she will go, “Oh ya,” all enthusiastically, haha. So that could definitely be part of this nap regression as well : /  Ugh.

Yesterday, she skipped her nap AGAIN. And wet the bed (F me). And she actually fell asleep as I was pushing her in the swing before dinner. Seriously. Take your naps, kid!!!

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Well I have waved my white flag. You go ahead and lay in there for 2 hours and talk to yourself. At least she’s not crying!! And she’s going to bed at night fine. So I’m just gonna ride this out and stop trying to solve this problem. It will pass eventually, so they say…

And have you read THIS book?! My friend just told me about it and It’s called, Go the F**k to sleep,- HILARIOUS!!!!!

Meanwhile. I’ll continue to get absolutely NOTHING accomplished during the day. #desperatelyneedabreak #callforpizza #dirtyhouse #givemeabeer #andsometylenol

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