The end

November 12, 2014

Processed with VSCOcam with k3 presetAfter 13 months of hard work, I have finally said, “The end.” The end of the one last string of attachment I had to holding on to Ivy. The end of her needing me. The end of our quiet and soothing moments between mother and daughter. The end of… breastfeeding.

Each of the above played an important role in our last 13 months together. Nursing provided us with an immediate connection that I have nurtured and loved since her birth. Holding on to it, holding on to that attachment, for 13 happy months. I felt like it was the one last thing that made her a baby still. And once she would be done breastfeeding, she would become a toddler (shriek!). So now, I guess, my baby is a toddler, by my definition. Hold me :(

Last night, my first night of not nursing, was different. We have a certain routine at night including the feeding, and without that, it was so strange. Not getting those few minutes of silence and watching her get sleepy in the dark, was a little sad. I miss it already. I loved that time together, just us two, nurturing each other. However, I just made sure to squeeze her a little tighter, kiss her a goodnight kiss a little longer, and tuck her in her blankie a little sweeter, and that made it all ok. Because either way, nursing or not, we will have our different quiet and soothing and nurturing moments between mother and daughter now. Good moments, different moments. And those moments, are going to be pretty awesome too.

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