Lately, I have been really reminded of our birth with Ivy. That would normally be a heart-warming event (minus the excruciating pain), getting reminded of the first time meeting your brand new teeny baby and all the precious hugs and kisses, but for us, it was a more traumatic event and an emotional roller coaster (see birth story here). Although it was a short visit to the NICU for just an antibiotic to clear up fluid on the lungs, it was such a testing experience as a new parent, and I learned right away, that this parenting thing is full of curve balls on this not-so-straight path ahead of us.
This week, Ivy’s birth story was published on the Pregnancy and Newborn magazines website (see post here – a shorter version of my blog post), and now today, the magazine contacted me about potentially publishing it in their July magazine issue. I had submitted Ivy’s birth story a few months ago and I have been so excited and honored about it getting on the website, but seeing it up there this week and rereading it, has brought back so much heartache and now, so many fears about what’s to come as my next birthing experience is looming above my head.
I know Ivy’s story is a story that people could potentially relate to and a NICU birth experience is maybe more interesting and heartfelt to read than just a boring (but not so boring… it is birth for Pete’s sake! EEEK! But you know what I mean…) normal birth story, but I can’t help but hope that my next birth this June with our baby boy, is just a “normal one.” The boring one. The one where we get the smiling family photos, the “golden hour” skin to skin that I so desperately hoped for last time, and the one where we get to hold our newborn for hours on end and swoon at all of their teeny features. The one where all the right things just happen to go your way. The one where you get a healthy baby to enjoy and kiss and hug.
So I guess my last birth experience is still haunting me. It makes me ultra nervous about this next birth and getting little Mr. Koch here. Indeed I hope for a less traumatic experience this second time around, and I am sure I will be nervous, but I need to be reminded that sometimes things just happen. As I reread my birth story, I am reminded of what I learned from it…shit happens. No matter how perfect your pregnancy is, or how perfectly you took care of the baby in your womb, sometimes things happen and we learn from that. However intimidating this second time around is, I know now that I have a smart, sweet, curious, and cute little baby girl that makes it seem like that awful NICU experience never even happened. So I’m taking the optimistic route, and like our Mommas used to say, turn that frown upside down, and I’m going to look forward to the day we get to meet our little mister koch :)