So, I’m terrible at making New Year’s Resolutions.

I don’t even remember the last time I made one. Ya, ya, I could always make that classic bound to fail one, like lose weight, get in shape, yada yada yada, but with this baby growing like a weed inside of me (hello five pound weight gain since last appointment), losing weight is not in my next six month future.  And getting in shape, ugh, it’s winter, I hibernate like a bear and take these frigid months off.

So, I just end up not making one.

It wasn’t until today, that I actually took time to think about it.

At school today, we were discussing the history of writing New Year’s Resolutions and why we make them. The month of January is named for the Roman god Janus. The ancient Romans imagined Janus as a two-faced god: one facing forward and one facing back. This symbolized his ability to look forward and backward at the same time.

Albeit that I don’t wish to be two-faced, in either sense, but it made me think about Janus, that Roman god. Sure, New Year’s Resolutions are a decision to do or not do something in order to accomplish a personal goal or break a habit, but more importantly, it’s a time when people reflect and look back at the past year and make an effort to improve themselves for the new year.

Two-faced, looking forward and backward simultaneously.

So here I was, reflecting on my 2014 while thinking of how to improve my 2015.

Yahtzee! That’s what I was missing on this whole New Year’s Resolution thing!

I was missing looking back on my last year to improve myself for this upcoming year. Sure the classic resolutions are a complete strikeout for me, but what about my life in general? My happiness. My family. My health. I didn’t need to make some unachieveable resolution to improve myself, I needed to do it differently.

It made me think about this post I made a while back, my 5 confessions of what I never thought I would be like as a Mom (read more here), and how was I doing on that? The biggest ones that stick out for me from that post as I reflect on my last year are focusing on my husband more (love you John! xxoo), and caring about myself more.

As I put my Janus two-face on (hopefully not one of those hideous Medusa type ones) and think about the past year and future year, I GULP. I feel like I’ve done better putting John towards the top again so Janus’s back face would have a smile, but was I going to be able to keep that up this year and with a new baby? Was I going to be able to care about Ivy the same and myself and my looks and health more? Janus would certainly have a dubious look on his front face. Oh Janus, I never liked history anyways…

I will have to say that as I sit here and reflect, I had a fabulous 2014 indeed. Full of good health, happy family, a great job, and a new baby on the way. I was very blessed this year. WE were very blessed this year. Us Koch’s just keep marching forward.

BUT! I want my 2015 to revolve around family, and I’m just going to have to kick ass and work hard at that goal, or resolution if you will, of squeezing my husband in there, being a fab Mom to Ivy and the new bebe, and taking care of myself. I mean, can’t the future four of us each have 25%? If only it were that easy. Now, minus the math, because who likes it, I’m determined to get my 2015 more balanced.

That’s my so called “resolution” – BALANCE.

I want John to know he is a priority and he deserves that 25%, dammit, and I want Ivy to continue to feel loved and encouraged to take on anything she sets her mind to (Godspeed baby girl!), and lastly, I want to look good this pregnancy and rock that baby belly, not just wear my “give-up sweats,” everyday, like John likes to call them. (Is he right?! Or is he right?! UGH)

BALANCE. My 2015 Resolution.

Drum roll please ————————————————————————————————————

So, CHEERS TO THIS 2015!

A year to grow, nurture, and love, and to make 2015, the year of family and balance.