Being a parent is one of the most challenging yet rewarding tasks. While trying to dominate this whole parenting thing, I have also been thinking about my behavior and how I am as a Mom. Not only a Mom, but a wife, a sister, and a friend. At times, I think I am the best Mom in the whole world! At other times, I am unrecognizable in the chaos of it all. I have always been a pretty easy-going girl, but I have certainly surprised myself on more than one occasion. It is tough when you just want the best for your child, but it can overtake your mind and bring out your inner psycho, and trust me, it’s in there. These kids really do change us and I’ve been reflecting on my Mom persona for a while now.

Confessional: 5 things I never thought I would be like as a Mom

1. Stay-at-home Mom – The biggest one that has been weighing on me lately is the idea of being a stay-at-home Mom. I really never thought I would want to be one. I love my job, a 6th grade science teacher, and I love the people I work with, I love being around the students, I love having summers off, really, a teacher is like, THE JOB to have when you have a family. But this whole daycare saga, has really turned me upside down on the whole stay-at-home Mom thing. I know now after experiencing daycare, that I just want different for our children, I want to expose them to culture, to life, to the world around them. The idea of my children being stuck inside all day being raised by someone else just gets me. I can’t. I want my children to be curious, confident, and adventurous learners. I want to raise my own children. I want to.

Sure, is being a stay-at-home Mom that bad? I’ll admit, I’m nervous about it. But, I have other priorities now, and nothing I want more than to be with my child and future children all day bringing them everywhere to get a sensory overload each day. So, we will see, right now, it’s a topic of discussion around here.

Mission – try to see the best in daycare while she is there!

2. Control Freak – Wow. This one has surprised me the most. This is where my easy-going demeanor flew right out the window. I feel like I know my daughter the best, and everything should be my way (gasp!). The napping thing is what I’m most controlling about. I am a psycho about her getting in her naps. I schedule everything around her naps. I want her home and in her bed napping, I was never one of those Moms to just let her nap in her stroller or in the car. I wished I was though! Other Moms were so good at that! But I just had to get her home and napping at certain times, and certain ways, and ugh. I drive myself crazy sometimes. The baby just needs her naps! John literally wants to kill me sometimes. And daycare, really wants to kill me sometimes too. :/ Sorry. I’m trying to get better, I am… I want my free spirit back, it’s just… ugh.

Mission – LET IT GO

3. Be less of a wife – I feel bad about this one. The hubs definitely gets put on the back burner sometimes with time spent dedicated to just us two. Especially now that I’m back at work after summer off, at night I just want to see Ivy, and John, well, ahhhh. He just wants to see Ivy too! Our time is spent with her now, which is different, but still ok. Instead of weekend dates, we are doing family dates to the zoo or a friend’s house for a play date. Again, different, but still ok. Our time is now more family time, rather than us time.

Thankfully, Ivy goes to bed by 7pm for the night and we get a few hours to ourselves, and I need to make that time better. We talk about going on more dates, and it just doesn’t happen. The time, the effort, I don’t know. I would not say our relationship has changed at all, in fact, our love has grown from a couples love to a family love, if there is such a thing. Perhaps though, we need to dedicate more time to each other. I need to remember to spoon my hubby at nights (hehe) and say “I love you” because I do, by golly, I do. And we have Ivy here because of our love and marriage, and we need to cherish and celebrate that too.

Also, the cooking and cleaning part that made me a “good wife” in my eyes, has fallen to pieces too! Juggling work, taking care of Ivy, taking care of the home, taking care of our bellies, taking care of John. All just too much sometimes. I say the heck with it more often than I used to. Umph. :/

Mission – plan a date night and say I love you more!

Selfie = realize that I need to fix my scarf!

4. Care less about my appearance – I really need to get out of my sweat pants sometimes. I practically live in them on the weekends. Again, refer to my #3, I’m sure John loves seeing me in them (not!). I sort of miss getting all cute, going out to eat, dressing up. I mean, when was the last time I curled my hair? Not gonna answer that.

I knew I had gotten the Mom bug when I threw out my daisy duke shorts this summer. They were just a little too short for me. And they were my favorite shorts two summers ago! (Last summer I was pregnant, and daisy duke shorts were non-existent in my wardrobe, for good reason). It was pretty sad. My taste in clothing has certainly changed, is it the Mom in me, or that I’m 30 and married now? Either way, I need to actually give my looks a little more effort.

Mission – care about myself again!

5. Never leave my child – Before I had my own child, I really DID NOT GET IT when my friends would not leave their kids. I was like, get away from your kid for a minute! I had all these hopes of leaving Ivy and John and I going on vacations still and having fun and ya ya ya. That hasn’t exactly happened, but once. It turns out it isn’t that easy. The first time I had to leave Ivy was a girl’s trip to Minneapolis and Ivy was five months old. It was so hard! But it was fine. And John got to spend some quality time with her. And our vacations, we have brought her. Now, we are trying to plan a winter getaway and the discussion is, do we bring her, or do we not? It’s so hard not to! We are discussing Mexico or the Virgin Islands and I would LOVE to show Ivy the beach! I know she would have so much fun! Plus, she flies free, so why not? However, I need to reread my #3 because a vacation would be a terrific time for John and I to spend some us time together. Plus, I always had the excuse of not leaving her because I was nursing, but by vacation time, I won’t be, and it would be perfect to leave her. I’m just surprised that I am like this, never leaving my child. I really thought I would be different… I guess that’s the new Mom control freak in me. All coming full circle now.

Mission – plan a vacation with just John!

Overall, it’s tough being a Mom and a wife! But, the first thing to do is to acknowledge that you have a problem (I sound like I’m at an AA meeting) and now, I have my missions and I need to do them!! Wish me luck :)

What about you guys? I hope I’m not in this alone!